So I’m reading around Kotaku today that there’s this game that came out in Japan for the Nintendo DS called Face Training. The point of the game is you use it to exercise your face which makes a little sense to me because how often do most people exercise anything on their face besides their mouths? Someone should give this to Jack Thompson so he can find a way to call it overly violent, we haven’t had a good laugh from our favorite attorney in awhile and I’m on a bit of a kick right now.

- Children could learn how to swing their heads and thus use their newly large and muscular lips to topple other children in much the same way a wrecking ball can be used to drop a large building. Kiss of death indeed.

- Toned eyelids could cause one use the power of air by fluttering their eyes in a rapid fashion, bowling over anyone in front of them. Female assassins in particular could make use this technique to blow men out of windows or off rooftops.

- A man who closes his mouth and puffs his cheeks out is far more deadly when those cheeks are like ROCK HARD CONCRETE!

Murder simulators kids. Don’t play them.