Contessa Brewer Makes Me SOUR Again

Speaking of Contessa Brewer, with two simple words this morning she has managed to make me completely ditch the peace and love routine. I’m back to being annoyed and my heart is once again filled with venom. Only Contessa.

You may have heard about this UK man who went out on a canoe five years ago, disappeared and was presumed dead, then showed up at a police station a couple days ago. It was being discussed on MSNBC and Contessa Brewer was in the anchors chair. Lately, Contessa hasn’t really done anything to offend me and if she did do something that would’ve resulted in a subsequent rant, I missed it. So she’s covering this story about the missing UK man and she says that he walked into a police station and claimed to have no memory of the past five years. She then says, in the most sarcastic, Contessa Brewer manner imaginable …

Uh huh

The camera was not on her at the time and I’m sure if it was, we would’ve seen her eyes roll and perhaps a very subtle, lo-key toss of her hair to the side. I’m utterly shocked we didn’t get the patented Contessa Brewer “Oh My GAWD what a loser” pause.

I’m actually going to leave open the possibility that the man in question is lying, even though it doesn’t make any sense what so ever that he would go missing for five years before going to the police station to be reunited with his family while claiming amnesia. I suppose he might’ve been bored, I don’t know. I strongly urge Contessa Brewer however to go to the police with any information that she must have regarding the case that would help investigators. I mean, I can only take away from her knowing Uh huh that she has some facts about this situation that no one else is privy to.

Look, I don’t want for anyone to lose their jobs, and I’m sure that Contessa Brewer, despite the crack I made about her being discovered by MSNBC on a beach in a bikini, is an intelligent woman … but can we f*cking fire this chick already? For awhile I considered the idea that maybe MSNBC wanted their reporters to sound like a grown up babysitters club. Maybe they tell them to insert their opinions when covering stories. But then I realized, you know, no one else really does it. Maybe Alex Witt from time to time, but no where near the level of Contessa. They have this new woman on there now. I don’t know her name, she’s black and has shorter hair, and she’s like a breath of fresh air. She’s professional and she acts like a reporter that’s working on a news channel. She’s been there a couple months and she’s already far and beyond Contessa as an anchor. Her personality isn’t grating because when she gives the news, it’s not about her personality. When Contessa is on there, it’s suddenly the Contessa Brewer show. “I’m Contessa Brewer, and let me tell you how f*ucking stupid I think this here fool is.” She might actually make a good blogger, or maybe, and I might get struck with a lightning bolt for suggesting it, but maybe she’d be good with a news style talk show. I wouldn’t watch it, but she might be better suited in that environment. But she’s not a good news reporter. She sticks out like a sore thumb and in some instances that’s just not a good thing. When I have the news on, I have it on because I want to hear what’s going on in the world, not how absurd you think it is. Just report the news! Is it that hard?

Screw it, I’m turning to Court TV, because motherf*cking Ashley Banfield is on that channel right now and she is what the young people these days like to refer to as “The Truth”. Ashley Banfield will restore my faith in life in general.