I hate when I’m working, and someone calls me and I’m on the phone for an hour. It kills my mood to work. It makes me sleepier and lazier than I already am. It grinds all of my functioning intellectual processes to a halt, leaving me a lump of something. That something on the ground you see when you’re out for a morning jog and you see a lump on the ground and you maybe glance at it or even examine it as you pass by, and you can’t figure out what it is. Yeah, that’s me right now.
I have emailed questions to answer at some point, but I’ve got to talk about Amy Winehouse in a minute I suppose because she apparently got herself arrested for having half a ton of coke in her beehive or something probably, and MSNBC just stirred a rant in me as they’re opt to do. No, it’s not Contessa Brewer’s fault this time.
Did you know that officials in Aruba have officially dropped the Natalie Holloway case? Yeah, it was breaking news this morning on MSNBC when I woke up around 9AM. It’s now 4:00 and I swear to shit I just saw a breaking news update that the Natalie Halloway case is being dropped in Aruba. Apparently it’s STILL BREAKING NEWS. Did I fall into a wormhole or something when I took a walk to get a protein shake earlier? Did I walk into like some kind of rift in space that’s causing me to relive the same moment multiple times through the day? At what point does breaking news stop qualifying as breaking news? A day or two from now? You couldn’t call it “Special Alert” or something? Look, when I hear breaking news, I stop what I’m doing and glance at the TV because I assume this is news that is breaking. News that has not been reported yet. News that I didn’t hear about six flipping hours ago. I literally stop and pay attention when I see that graphic or hear the breaking news sound, just in case the country has attacked or aliens have invaded or some such. When instead, I hear a breaking news report about something reported hours ago, I cry foul. I cry false advertising. I feel as though I’ve been HORNSWOGGLED.
Could someone at MSNBC check out a dictionary? Contessa, if you’re googling your name and you’re reading this, could you tell someone at MSNBC to figure out what the term Breaking News means for me?
