The USPS FAILS

I turn on the news this morning, and they’re running a commercial for this show. There’s this girl they flash on the screen and I’m like “wow, she’s kinda hot isn’t she?”. The commercials continues and the voice then says something along the lines of “These guys are born in the wrong body.” I hate life.

It’s after Christmas which means it’s time to jump back into the fray and hear about stupid celebrities and useless politicians and the like. Before we do however, I want to tell you a holiday story. A CHRISTMAS STORY~! as it were.

I was told last week that I would be getting an express package from someone and to keep an eye on it in the mail. This package should come the next day, which was a Saturday. Naturally, it doesn’t come. To make it even better, the tracking information at USPS says that they attempted to deliver this package to me, I wasn’t home, and they left a slip at my house. Lies. There was no slip, and I was home all day three feet away from my front door. Keep in mind that shipping for this express package costed something like $17. But that’s ok, express packages are delivered on Sundays and holidays, so it’s bound to come Sunday right? Nope. No one comes.

So Monday, the deliverer of this package calls the post office who has no idea what the problem was. They apologize and say that if it doesn’t come by such and such an hour to call them back. Not long after this, the mailman comes toting along the express package and a priority package that was also sent from the same person. The mailman looked fresh out of high school, and like someone who listens to a lot of emo or maybe Marilyn Manson. Not that there’s anything wrong with Marilyn Manson, I’ve listened to it myself before but I consider myself a musical connoisseur that listens to nearly everything. This guy though had the chain attached to his pants, talked low, seemed kinda nerdy. He’s like “Uh, I’ve got an express package for you” and he puts it down on shelf on the porch rail and starts reading over a slip. He then asks me if my name is the name of the person who delivered this package. I’m like “No … I’m the recipient.” He’s like “Ohh” and starts reading over this slip and punching things into his little electronic scanner. And he reads some more. And keeps reading. He’s going on two minutes here reading this slip and the front of the package. This guy’s got no idea what so ever what he’s doing. He finally pulls out a slip to read and goes to set it on his arm but it blows off his arm and off the porch because it’s a very windy day. “Ohh jeez” he says and chases after it. It suddenly makes sense why this package didn’t come on Saturday. I start to wonder if I’m still going to get this package in time for Christmas despite the fact that it’s right in front of me. Finally he gets it sorted out, I get my box, and I promptly push him down the front steps of my porch while cackling like a deranged madman. Or not, but I wanted to.

You know, I also get bills, important documents, checks in the mail from various companies. This man is responsible for making sure that all reaches my mail box. Frightening. The USPS is BULLSHIT and receives the USuxxors.com U Suxxors award for the week.