- watched Miss South Carolina melt down in spectacular fashion.
- were there when a fallen football star found God in wake of dog fighting charges
- sang about the wonders of Viagra
- discovered the hidden powers of Ninja Harry Potter~!
- received shocking news that human beings are generally more likely to check out attractive people as opposed to unattractive people at social gatherings.
- learned that making an ass out of yourself may in fact cause a bro to tase you, and in turn lead to much heated internet discussion over police brutality, evil governments, and secret societies.
- heard a rumor that Americans might be fat and stupid.
- found out that being naked in your private hotel room can get you fired from your job.
- learned that Rita Crosby has fantasies about Larry Birkhead & Howard K Stern having teh butt secks with each other.
- found out that the way you laugh is an important issue and may just determine whether or not you become President.
- were told that Lisa Ling sleeps in her husband’s boxers and totally needs to scarf down more bacon & eggs in the morning.
- checked out Steve Chen’s hella sexy, manly, and oh so irresistible calves.
- took a look back at The Return of Bruno
- laughed as Larry Craig’s wife did not help matters at all.
- defended Ellen DeGeneres?
- sat in wonderment at the news that there are in fact other people in the world named Michael Clayton.
- discovered that brain activity in kids is bad.
- learned that even billionaires can be wrong sometimes.
- learned that China hates big booties.
- discovered Lou Dobbs and found out that he hates him some illegal immigrants.
- found out that Dumbledore is gay.
- were Larry Craig for Halloween.
- learned that Civil War soldiers were gossipers
- didn’t DARE hug anyone.
- got our own pararazzi photographer.
- learned that David Copperfield is either a creep or an absolute genius.
- determined that Liberty Mutual commercials are the work of the devil.
- were put to sleep by Tucker Carlson.
- were reassured that the Hulu is not a life threatening disease.
- didn’t Eat, Snort, Suck, or Fuck it.
- bitched about Katie Couric and video game violence.
- felt bad for stupid cheerleaders.
- helped free Jammie Thomas.
- learned that money won’t always get your old ass laid.
- relived childhood nightmares of Bambi.
- had our own vision of Jesus.
- kicked Scott Adams in the nuts.
- found out that Christina Aguilera is pregnant some 7 months after the fact.
- peed in some batteries.
- bitched about the writers strike.
- didn’t find the girl of our dreams.
- shined light on the horrors of alcoholic elephants.
- laughed at Fabio.
- found Ashleigh Banfield.
- did the time warp with OJ Simpson.
- banned Lance Armstrong & Ashley Olsen from USuxxors.com.
- found out that the world will end in May, and you all need to get ready now, months before the fact.
- learned that Dos Equis is a german beer.
- found a cheaper way to get breast implants.
- discovered what’s inside Amy Winehouse’s beehive
- watched with a startled nation as a Jonas Brother fell
- reflected on the Max Headroom Pirating Incident.
- felt bad for Amy Winehouse’s nose.
- thanked you for the great information, brother.
- supported giving porn to the troops.
- mourned the death of Georgie Porgie.
- made sense.
- did not have any baked potatos.
- decided we just might vote Mike Gravel for president because he’s a great great man
- were glad we weren’t related to the Hogan family
- determined that Fred Thompson is a fish monster.
- hated Contessa Brewer.
- loved Contessa Brewer.
- determined that Britney Spears is insane.
- announced we’re going to the Golden Globes LIVE~!
- melted down from time to time.
- dared to cover the story of celebrities being attacked by giant spiders.
- exposed Kelly Clarkson for being an evil killer of teenage memories
- scored a number of exclusive celebrity photos.
- helped protect you this holiday season.
- solved a crisis in the world.
