ESPN Anchor Refers To Penis As “Lil Sean”

Another Lil. Maybe he’s the father of Jamie Lynn Spears’ baby.

There’s this book coming out recently penned by one Will Leitch, the founding editor of Gawker sports blog Deadspin, who I guess used to be a contributer to ESPN until the sports news giant cut ties with him back in 2006. I read Deadspin every so often despite the fact that they don’t tend to cover the sports I pay attention to (MMA among others) because frankly, Gawker blogs are great and I’d be lost without their presence in my every day. So why am I paying any sort of mind to a story regarding ESPN if I’m not that big of a “regular sports” fan?

Because there’s absurdity, as well as a thoughtful question afoot here.

Leitch is coming out with a book entitled “God Save the Fan” where he talks about scandalous occurrences in the personal lives of various ESPN anchors including Sean Salisbury, who has a great last name if you think about it being a former football player. Salisbury is also the name of a meaty steak, and football players are supposed to be big tough men who like to eat huge portions of food such as perhaps, salisbury steak. At least that’s what those fucking annoying Nutrasystem For Men commercials they air every break on TV imply. I swear they’re becoming the new Liberty Mutual ad. No, I don’t know where that short rant came from, moving on.

Sean Salisbury, according to “God Save the Fan”, has a thing for emailing pictures of his peter pecker to female colleagues and asking them to say hi to “Lil Sean”. This begs a question that I’ve been meaning to create some discussion on for some time:

Why do men refer to their penises (or is it peni?) as “Lil Whatever”?

Coming from a man that’s never named his penis, though Lil Whatever is a wonderfully delightful name to use for a couple weeks before I get bored with it, I’ve never understood why guys opt to use the word Lil in regards to their penis. Not to take a turn into the “Does size matter?” question because that’s a whole nother can of worms that’s not fit for this family friendly blog, but one would think using the word Lil would imply you have a small penis. Coupled with the fact that you’re mailing it to various women in the office, it’s almost as though you’re looking for pity. “Hey Fran? Hey, that’s Lil Sean. Could you tell me what you think? Go easy on me, I have esteem issues.”

Naming your penis should be like naming a dog I think. Manly men like to give their dogs names like Spike or Butch or Lassie (Lassie was the Superman of the dog world, think about it). You don’t want to call something Lil when you’re trying to impress people with it. Remember all the rappers I mentioned in the Jamie Lynn Spears pregnancy post earlier? They’re always going to be thought of as kids. Young, naive, immature, unwise to the world, because they cursed themselves at a youthful age with that name. Sure, it probably seemed like a good idea at the time, but it’s never a good idea when it comes to penises.

I actually intend to come back to this topic in a day or two but for now, I want any of my readers with the word Lil in their peni’s name to remove it immediately and attempt to come up with something better. It’s belittling of the U Suxxors empire. If you insist on having a name for your member, it must not be a laughable one.