I’m starting the New Year off with some bitching this morning about Jamie Lynn Spears because A: I figure it’ll set the tone for the next 365 days and B: I’m seriously confused by other celebrity sites right now. One blog says that Casey Aldridge is the father. Another site says that Jamie Lynn was knocked up by a Nickelodeon executive. One blog says Lil Romero or Lil Bow Wow or Lil Wayne or Lil Kim or one of those Lil rappers is the father. Then, on top of that, you’ve got some sites saying that Jamie Lynn Spears is broken up with Casey Aldridge who seems to be the lead suspect. Some sites say they’ve broken up. Some are now saying that Casey is potentially impregnating someone else now and hopefully for his sake she’s over 18 this time.
So I’m going to make a request to all the other celebrity sites out there. Could you like, get together maybe? Perhaps a conference call? A chat room? Hell, go all out and have a celebrity convention, I don’t care. Just get together and sort out amongst yourselves which one of you is right and has their facts straight, and who among you is wrong. That’s all. Jesus Christ. There’s close to 100 Jamie Lynn posts made a day among popular celebrity sites, it’s been a couple weeks now since her pregnancy came out, and everyone’s running around like a drunken Britney Spears reporting this and reporting that. Apparently EVERYONE in the known universe might be the father of Jamie Lynn Spears‘ kid. Except me of course because she’s underage and that’s just disgusting. I blame Macaulay Culkin. Actually, no, scratch that, I don’t. His name’s too much of a pain in the ass to spell so screw Macaulay Culkin. I blame Jonas Brother #3. He’s the father. It’s decided. We’re all going to settle on one father for Jamie Lynn Spears’ baby and it’s Jonas Brother #3. Until someone does a paternity test or some such, Jonas Brother #3 is the one that knocked up Jamie Lynn Spears and that’s that. You can all start reporting that on your news sites and your blogs and we’ll all get the same story together and we’ll all be straight on this and my sanity will be saved and we’ll cut down on all the confusing Jamie Lynn Spears stories.
January 1st, 2008 at 3:38 pm
I heard the Nick exec was the daddy but Casey was taking the heat due to the ick factor of the former, and because Casey is like a former ex or some such stuff, and it would be “more likely” that he would be the father–AND because of the age factor in Louisiana or wherever they live, having sex with a minor is allowed if the sexee (or sexor) is within 2 years of the other party and he fits the bill with like 26 days to spare *takes a breath* and the Nickelodeon exec would obviously be punished by up to two years in jail. Or something.
I had too much time on my hands at work today.
And um, Happy New Year’s Usuxxors!