The Hillary-Bot 2000 won the New Hampshire primary last night after someone flipped a switch on her back a couple days before, causing water to drip slightly from her eye and her voice to soften during an appearance. Voters were so taken by Hillary-Bot’s tears that they shed some of their own before giving the troubled cyborg their support. The candidate who pollsters had predicted to win New Hampshire on the Democratic side, Barack Obama, congratulated Hillary-Bot 2000 on her victory in a concession speech and proceeded to lead his supporters in a cult like chanting sequence.
Oddly enough, all is quiet on the Republican front after John McCain successfully picked up a victory in New Hampshire. This morning, several news stations throughout the country found their reporters laying on their desks or on the floor after McCain’s speech put them all into a deep slumber. MSNBC on the other hand found McCain’s reading of the speech so delightfully amusing that they partied the night away as Contessa Brewer, Amy Robach, and a drunken, pantless Chris Matthews danced provocatively on Keith Olbermann’s anchor desk well into the wee hours. Meanwhile, Mitt Romrey tried to make the best of things during his concession speech by making it sound like losing was somehow winning. He failed.
