Supporters of John McCain were saddened to hear today that the Republican presidential candidate will be dropping out of the race to the White House after he finally melted over the weekend. A picture was taken this morning of the new McCain and acquired by USuxxors.com (see right). Analysts following the campaign had noted McCain’s face sagging to his knees over the past couple months and felt the complete transformation was only a matter of time.

“We at MSNBC had felt that John was simply reading from a written speech when he won the New Hampshire Primary, but the next day while recovering from our hangovers we began to speculate amongst ourselves that perhaps his head was simply beginning to droop into the direction of his crotch. HAAAAW!” MSNBC pundit Chris Matthews stated in a recent interview.

“We just didn’t feel it would be fair to America if a formless blob took control of the oval office,” McCain campaign advisor Mike Mikeylot said. “John cares about America. He cares about the people. He has always said privately to those around him that if he should become incompacitated in some manner, a manner that would prevent him from properly pursuing the will of the people, he would step aside.”

McCain has yet to endorse one of the remaining candidates. Some worry that McCain may no longer actually have a mouth with which to speak of his choice but Mickeylot assures us this isn’t the case.

“He still has a mouth, sometimes you just have to wait a bit for his lips to pop out. In time I’m sure John will speak to his supporters. We’re still adapting to everything behind the scenes.”