Ahhh Michael Vick, where for art thou? You along with Larry Craig were the first major names that got this whole shebang started really, and one day you just sort of disappeared. Adam “Pacman” Jones tried to take your place by joining a goofy pro wrestling organization but it just wasn’t the same and ultimately he didn’t have your suave suits, your calm demeanor, and he certainly didn’t have Jesus on his side like you did. We missed you, even if you’re just stopping by for a quick hug before you go off to the clink.
Michael Vick turned himself in today three weeks before his sentencing in order to serve time early and thus get out of prison sooner. I keep reading he wants to play football again but I can’t see any team actually signing him. Fanbases are important too you know, and I would imagine a few would hit the bricks should he get picked up.
It’s morning in American canines of the country, you are free to roam the streets again. So long as you stay out of my front yard.
ESPN - Vick To Jail
This might lose me some readers because people take football very seriously but I’m sorry, I hate football. The only pleasure I ever get out of the sport is when I’m able to rub Steelers loses in the faces of my friends. Naturally, the Steelers are usually able to deny me this simple bit of soul soothing harmony. Assholes I say. 
