Hollywood Gossip and Political Hoopla

I’m starting the New Year off with some bitching this morning about Jamie Lynn Spears because A: I figure it’ll set the tone for the next 365 days and B: I’m seriously confused by other celebrity sites right now. One blog says that Casey Aldridge is the father. Another site says that Jamie Lynn was knocked up by a Nickelodeon executive. One blog says Lil Romero or Lil Bow Wow or Lil Wayne or Lil Kim or one of those Lil rappers is the father. Then, on top of that, you’ve got some sites saying that Jamie Lynn Spears is broken up with Casey Aldridge who seems to be the lead suspect. Some sites say they’ve broken up. Some are now saying that Casey is potentially impregnating someone else now and hopefully for his sake she’s over 18 this time.

So I’m going to make a request to all the other celebrity sites out there. Could you like, get together maybe? Perhaps a conference call? A chat room? Hell, go all out and have a celebrity convention, I don’t care. Just get together and sort out amongst yourselves which one of you is right and has their facts straight, and who among you is wrong. That’s all. Jesus Christ. There’s close to 100 Jamie Lynn posts made a day among popular celebrity sites, it’s been a couple weeks now since her pregnancy came out, and everyone’s running around like a drunken Britney Spears reporting this and reporting that. Apparently EVERYONE in the known universe might be the father of Jamie Lynn Spears‘ kid. Except me of course because she’s underage and that’s just disgusting. I blame Macaulay Culkin. Actually, no, scratch that, I don’t. His name’s too much of a pain in the ass to spell so screw Macaulay Culkin. I blame Jonas Brother #3. He’s the father. It’s decided. We’re all going to settle on one father for Jamie Lynn Spears’ baby and it’s Jonas Brother #3. Until someone does a paternity test or some such, Jonas Brother #3 is the one that knocked up Jamie Lynn Spears and that’s that. You can all start reporting that on your news sites and your blogs and we’ll all get the same story together and we’ll all be straight on this and my sanity will be saved and we’ll cut down on all the confusing Jamie Lynn Spears stories.

Jack Page Asks: Jack, you go after celebrities / politicians / news anchors all the time in your blog. Why?

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Jack Page Responds: Yes, I wrote this one, because I want to address a strange phenomenon that’s been occurring at U Suxxors as of late. I can only assume it’s coming from search engine traffic that shows up on a particular post, become offended, and leave a comment without realizing what this blog is actually about. Just in case I’m wrong, I want to make something clear.

If you’re coming here to find flowery messages about Britney Spears or Contessa Brewer or Rachael Ray, you’re at the wrong blog. Frankly, I’m unsure why you’d go to a blog called U Suxxors expecting anything more than what you’re getting. This is essentially an outlet for venting stress while at the same time poking fun at various absurdities in the world and hey, I invite you and encourage you all to join in on the fun. That’s what the comments are for, and that’s why I allow the negative with the positive. I’m all for free speech. I’m all for letting you vent so long as you’re not trolling. I hate censorship. But if you’re angry because you’re surprised when I do anything other than point out how ridiculous Britney is, I suggest you find a Britney Spears fan blog and subscribe to their RSS feed. Hell, I’ve been defending Britney Spears lately, and that’s rare amongst blogs that delve into the world of celebrities. How many times have I gone after TMZ the past month for the stories involving photographers getting their feet run over by Spears? TMZ and others are far more vicious than I am. People have called me the kinder, gentler celebrity blogger. That should tell you something.

I am going to do things like refer to the Jonas Brothers as Jonas Brother #1, Jonas Brother #2, and Jonas Brother #3. I am not a fan of the Jonas Brothers, nor do I know very much about them. My first Jonas exposure was from that AMA video where one fell on his ass. What I see when I look at the Jonas Brothers are three singers who look the same to me, thus I’m going to refer to them as numbers because it makes me chuckle. That’s it basically. I would probably forget their names if I learned them anyway because individually they don’t stand out to me, so it’s much more fun to think of them as clones or some such.

I can imagine the feedback I’d be getting if I pretended to actually know politics inside out and started really going after politicians. This blog would probably explode in a hail of letters and numbers.

If you learn something, good. If I make you think about a topic on the rare occasion when I’m being serious, that’s fantastic. If you killed some time and were entertained, that’s wonderful. But don’t be surprised if someone you’re a fan of gets something negative said about them, because it’s going to happen. Defend them if you want, but don’t be surprised. I’m a crotchety old man stuck in a 26 year old body who embraces his negativity and uses U Suxxors as an outlet for it. It’s going to happen. It’s the male blogging text version of my time of the month.

On a side note, comments have gone up immensely the past month, and as mentioned I greatly encourage this so go ahead and comment to your hearts content. Go ahead and ask random questions and get the free dofollow link to your blog. We appreciate audience participation. I’ll have to look into adding some recent comment plugins and polls or some such soon to get some debates and discussion flowing. You guys can go ahead and bring the intelligence to posts when I’m too lazy to bother myself.

I don’t understand young girls anymore and their tastes in pop stars. I have no idea who the Jonas Brothers are but they seem to be making a strong effort to revive boy bands so I personally hope they fail to the nth degree, but women love them despite what appears to be incredibly large pieces of steel wool sitting on two of their heads.

The middle one, we’ll call him Jonas Brother #2, took a comical spill as the three walked through a shattered window. Jonas Brothers #1 & #3 did their damnedest not to react at Jonas Brother #2, not even a slight chuckle, though it did look like Jonas Brother #3 could’ve gasped or maybe sworn under his breath at Jonas Brother #2 for ruining what was meant to be (I assume) a really cool entrance. Jonas Brother #2 would not be getting the finest of the groupies this night for his bumbling. Poor Jonas Brother #2.

Don’t worry about the video length, the good stuff’s at the beginning.