Hollywood Gossip and Political Hoopla

The word now is that Britney Spears wasn’t on any kind of narcotic substance when she was taking from her home by ambulance last night, but instead was high on pure crazy. Life And Style, who’s featuring a picture of a downright nutty looking Spears on a hospital gurney in the accompanying article, says that she tested clean on all tests. She was laughing when being carted to the hospital, which makes it sound like she might’ve just lost her mind. Or she’s just always like that. Probably the latter. Personally, I think it’s less her going bonkers and more her not knowing the difference between right or wrong. She needs a Paris Hilton-esque jail stay.

Meanwhile, K-Fed is in court with his lawyer trying to get visitation rights stripped from her, which common sense says he’d get. Then again, the judge is liable to give Spears another chance because it’s not like she’s had over fifty already or anything. Take the kids from her, give them to Federline, and don’t bother listening to Spears again until she makes a concerted effort to straighten herself out. This really shouldn’t be that hard. It’s not like you’re trying to bring peace to the middle east here or anything. Regardless of whether or not you hate celebrities and you hate the scandals that come along with them, they always help to give you a fascinating look at how utterly ridiculous our legal system is.

There’s like a foot of snow outside my house this morning. The weather channel said 3-5 inches. I demand LAYOFFS and FIRINGS.

I was wrong about News Years Eve in Hollywood, sorta. Turns out something scandalous did occur. Remotely scandalous anyway. Lindsay Lohan made out with three men in one night and took one of them home with her.

Jesus CHRIST Pat Buchanan is balding.

Sorry for that distraction. No, Pat Buchanan was not one of the three men that Lindsay Lohan frenched with, though that would have been an indefinitely more interesting turn of events. She practically dry humped on a couch with a random waiter, made out with some actor I’ve never heard of, and then was all over some other guy who’s the son of an italian music legend that again, I’ve never heard of. That might’ve been the one she took home to the hotel. All in all, a better pull I suppose than Paris Hilton who had Kevin Federline and probably that Wizard of Oz Oompa Loompa fellow she saved awhile back.

Nothing about her drinking though. I’m shocked her sobriety has lasted.

It’s almost the end of the year and I probably should come up with some spectacular post to end the year with here at U Suxxors. Unfortunately, nothing is really going on. Paris Hilton got around last night, partying with K-Fed who is one of the 50 most influential people in the world~! you know. But I’m not going to go with that, though I whole-heartedly endorse Paris Hilton getting involved in the Kevin Federline / Britney Spears saga in her own little way.

Instead, I’m going run with this fascinating story about Sting sucking his wife’s toes. I think it kinda sums the year up in a philosophical kind of way. Or not. Regardless, I know it’s Sting (I just spelled it String lolz) and he’s got this supposedly freaky sex life with his wife, but if you’re going to suck on the woman’s toes, at least have the decency to do it where you’re not going to be photographed. Meanwhile, I have one last resolution, this time for the paparazzi. Please don’t start a trend of getting pictures of celebrities sucking on each other’s toes. I don’t want to see Britney Spears’ feet being munched on at some point this coming year. I’m positive that 99.9% of the people in the world don’t want to see it either and if you do, it’s another case of you being one of those ones with a wrong opinion. A very wrong opinion.

I’m going to start this off by saying that I have nothing against Kevin Federline. All I know is I never hear that much about him so he doesn’t offend me as much as someone like Britney Spears or Amy Winehouse does. He seems to care about his kids and doesn’t make a spectacle of himself, so he’s already more swell than a good portion of the entertainment business.

But you mean to tell me that out of all the men in the world, he somehow makes it on Details Magazine’s Top 50 Most Influential Men Under 45 list? Kevin Federline? Has he even done anything the past year besides some bit parts on late night shows like CSI? The world is so piss poor that you couldn’t find 50 other men that are more influential than Kevin Federline anywhere? The very fact that Kevin Federline would appear on a top 1000 most influential men in the world under 45 is startling to me, let alone on a list of the top 50. In the world. The entire great big large global world. I’m intrigued. Lets see who else is on this here list.

Actually, lets first look at an explanation as to what the men on this list needed to have to qualify:

Because, as anyone who understands power knows, it isn’t about corner offices and cocktail-party invitations—it’s about the space in your head. And the men who have it are the ones who control your viewing patterns, your buying habits, your anxieties, your lust—the things you think about.

These are the people who have taken over the space in your head—whether you like it or not.

You know, I’m wrong sometimes, but I’m fairly assured in saying that Kevin Federline has not taken over even the slightest portion of real estate available in my head. You’ve got people down here that make sense, like Mark Zuckerberg (the founder of Facebook at 23 and my personal enducer of seething jealousy), Steve Chen and his sexy, sexy calves, and an argument can certainly be made for the Columbine shooters as they’ve influenced their fair share of copy cat fans.

But Kevin Federline? Because he won a custody battle against Britney Spears? Can I be one of the most influential people in the world if I win a game of Connect Four against my cat?

Absurd. You can view the top 50 influential men list here.

I’m running late this morning, but I was doing Christmas shopping so I have an excuse. A pain in the ass, this whole Christmas thing is.

Britney Spears has supposedly hired a private investigator to keep an eye on Kevin Federline in case he manages to do anything stupid on a Britney Spears level. Why it took her until mid November to do this I have no idea, but the real question is where is TMZ? TMZ if anything is the perfect private investigator and has already been influential in a number of court decisions by catching Spears antics on tape. Are they just not following Federline or is he simply doing a good job at keeping his nose clean? More than likely the latter.

Not sure what she’s hoping to accomplish anyway. Federline would have to go on a mass murder spree before the judge saw Spears as a better option than him.

Wonder what ever happened to the hitman she someone supposedly hired a few months back.

TMZ - Spears Hires Investigator