Hollywood Gossip and Political Hoopla

Breaking news this hour as OJ Simpson has seen his bail revoked after meeting with witnesses involved in his Las Vegas court case. Whether or not this has to do with another sting operation, his on-going hunt for his ex wife Nicole Brown Simpson’s killer, or the validity of his comments about Dos Equis being a German beer are unknown at this time. All we can tell you is he was ripped off a Floridian golf course and is currently on his way back to Vegas. We can tell you that he went peacefully, and was heard chatting with law enforcement officers about Britney Spears’ recent meltdown, the war in Iraq, and Rudy Giuliani’s dwindling chances of becoming President of the United States.

USuxxors.com’s chief legal correspondent Gal Val was asked for her analysis of what could happen to OJ Simpson now:

“Umm … I think he’s going to go to jail … which is a shame because he’s usually so well dressed.”

You heard it here first: It looks like OJ might be going to jail. USuxxors.com will stay on top of this breaking story throughout the next three minutes.

This is the part where I’m supposed to pretend this post is making me thirsty for beer but I’m not going to. I don’t drink this early. I’m civilized~! Orenthal James Simpson was flying to Ft Lauderdale from Vegas last Friday and was flipping insane, loudly rambling about everything from the true nationality of Dos Equis to how Satisfaction by the Stones done blew up the hood back in the day. If OJ wasn’t a temperamental killer he might not be that bad of a guy to shoot the shit with for awhile once you got past the fact that he’s kinda stupid. But that’s ok. Aren’t we all in our own little ways?

I really want to hear his thoughts on the current political race and Britney Spears. Honestly, I do. Just to hear what he’d say. “OJ? How would you handle the ongoing middle east conflict?”. He’d be perfect for Meet the Press. Tim Russert could ask him about UFOs.

Page Six - OJ Gives His Thoughts On Subjects

The judge just ruled that there is enough evidence for Orenthal James Simpson to stand trial for his part in a Las Vegas robbery back in September. One of the 12 charges held against Simpson is kidnapping, which could get him life in prison if convicted.

I’ll bet none of us thought we’d be lucky enough to be treated to TWO OJ Simpson trials in our lifetime! So who’ll holding trial parties?

If you’ve turned on any sort of cable news in the past hour, it might’ve felt like you were looking into a mirror into the past. OJ Simpson is in court right now facing one misdemeanor and numerous felony charges stemming from his failed sting operation on a Las Vegas hotel room. All the major stations have halted programming to cover it thanks to cameras being allowed in the court room, and the split screen showing OJ’s reactions to Bruce Fromong’s currently ongoing testimony is just fantastic. Simpson varies between sleepy to serious to surprised to WTF at any point and time. He just opened his eyes wide and rotated his head somewhat as though he began hearing voices in his head. Lots of head shaking. It’s more entertaining watching his reactions than it is actually listening to this thing.

I definitely wouldn’t use the word smug to describe him at any time. He’s concerned, and according to experts following this thing, he has every reason to be.