Hollywood Gossip and Political Hoopla

It’s been a long hard road with many winding and twisting turns, but Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon are expected to get married again for the 63rd time this coming weekend in a quiet ceremony in Las Vegas.

“I’m so happy,” Pamela told You Guys Weekly in a recent interview. “I hope it’s just like the 22nd time.”

The ever expanding Pamela, who is confirmed to be pregnant despite her strong argument with the press over the matter last week where she simply wrote the word “No.” in a blog entry, made up with ex husband Rick Salomon just a few hours ago during a debate about the current political climate.

“I want Hillary-Bot 2000 to win. Then Rick told me the same thing, that he’d like to see a Hillary presidency. It’s like our souls touched at that point, like we met each other all over again. Something was telling me that this is the man that I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Plus the sex was great. He let me cut him. Hee hee!”

Pamela then pulled out a large butcher knife and mentioned that she would be using her “favorite” to cut the cake at the ceremony. The interview quickly wrapped up at that point when Pam offered to show the interviewer how sharp the blade was.

Pamela Anderson divorced Rick Salomon again before New Years Eve, which explains why she was by herself at Pure. Probably afraid she’d end up with another sex tape with Salomon as the cameraman. We know how handy he is with video equipment. Then again, Pamela’s probably got her own production studio in her house.

Any bets they’ll get back together again within a couple days? Surprised they lasted as long as they did. Remember that rant I went on about how marriage isn’t a good idea? Well here’s an addition to it: You don’t need to get married if you’re just looking for a sex fueled relationship with someone. You’re supposed to get married for true love. Or financial gain. Silly people.

As many of you may remember, I helped saved Pamela Anderson’s marriage a couple weeks ago and Pamela took the time to send me a thank you card not long afterward. I was touched, but I want you to know that the following fashion spotlight won’t be biased in any way shape or form.

Hot damn did Pamela Anderson look hot last night at Pure’s New Years Eve party! No one, and I mean no one I have seen all day in the pics I’ve poured over looked anywhere near as stunning as she did. Most people will tell you want to make a statement, wear Chanel. Instead, Chanel wore her. Simply MAHVELOUS dress, sexy boots, and the dark blue scarf is a perfect accessory. It’s New Years Eve, it’s cold outside so yeah, I’ll wear this scarf, but I don’t need to wear a warm dress because my body’s a smoking hot furnace!

As a note to all you other female celebrities out there that didn’t seem to have the slightest clue last year, I’ve taken our exclusive shot of Pamela and drawn a diagram on top of it to point out the intricities of her fashion success. Take note.

I don’t know what I was expecting for New Years eve when I started actually paying attention to celebrities to pen this here blog on absurdities and bullshit. They’re celebrities. You expect scandals, cat fights, mid-party divorce proceedings, liaisons in a dark corner of a club somewhere with paparazzi cameras trying desperately to catch someone cheating on their mate as Paris Hilton screeches “Tainted Love” in the background while getting frisky with a stripper pole in a largely un-enticing manner. Instead … nothing happened. Pete Wentz looked like a shaggy KD Lang, Pamela Anderson was without Rick Salomon, and Kim Kardashian made out with Reggie Bush. Britney wasn’t even around to do something stupid.

It’s almost as though the blogging community had a wilder night than the celebrities. Gawker Media for instance appears to be completely shut down today save for three or so of their blogs, including Kotaku, but they probably had a less than vigorous night New Years Eve playing World of Warcraft. A host of other blogs are on vacation but we at U Suxxors continue to work. We’re that dedicated, we’re that hard working, and frankly we’ve got nothing better to do.

But anyway, the lack of fallout this morning is completely depressing. As a reminder while I’m here, don’t forget we’re doing live Golden Globes coverage on the 13th for some completely insane reason, and I demand that Hollywood do something exciting for the occasion. If I cover this thing, and it’s boring tribe, I will curse you all. There’s gotta be a store out there that sells George Clooney or Jon Stewart voodoo dolls.

According to TMZ, Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon have reconciled after news broke that they were getting a divorce just hours ago.

What did I tell you? I bet she went immediately to her nearest Victoria Secret store after reading my previous article. See Jack? I take over USuxxors.com for a few hours and I’ve already saved Pamela Anderson’s marriage as well as her sex life. I’m a miracle worker. All it takes is a little bit of fashion know how!

Well what do you know, I was right. I just received the following handwritten autographed picture from Pamela Anderson herself in my e-mail box thanking me directly for my aid. Don’t worry about it girlfriend, I’m just doing my job!