Hollywood Gossip and Political Hoopla

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it before but I hate football. Wait, I did. Give me rugby and MMA, I just can’t sit through a football game. Neither can some New York Jets fans either, because there’s a New York Times article today that I’ve heard MSNBC mentioning about thousands of fans gathering around the ramps at half time to yell obscenities in an attempt to get women to flash them. That’s … kinda pathetic actually, unless it’s Mardi Gras. Nothing says pitiful than a guy screaming at random women they don’t know to please flash them so they can see boobs for once in their lives. If the women refuse, they get sworn at while plastic bottles are thrown at them. Fans also like to throw money on the ground and then throw objects at kids that try to pick it up.

What the hell? Is this just a Giants Stadium thing or is the football season really that drab this year? Nothing can be done about chants though says one guard, so you’re screwed if you want to bring your kid to a football game nowadays.

Ahhh Michael Vick, where for art thou? You along with Larry Craig were the first major names that got this whole shebang started really, and one day you just sort of disappeared. Adam “Pacman” Jones tried to take your place by joining a goofy pro wrestling organization but it just wasn’t the same and ultimately he didn’t have your suave suits, your calm demeanor, and he certainly didn’t have Jesus on his side like you did. We missed you, even if you’re just stopping by for a quick hug before you go off to the clink.

Michael Vick turned himself in today three weeks before his sentencing in order to serve time early and thus get out of prison sooner. I keep reading he wants to play football again but I can’t see any team actually signing him. Fanbases are important too you know, and I would imagine a few would hit the bricks should he get picked up.

It’s morning in American canines of the country, you are free to roam the streets again. So long as you stay out of my front yard.

ESPN - Vick To Jail

Well I don’t think any of us expected to here this tonight, assuming that the whole Barry Bonds baseball scandal had come and gone. Unfortunately for Bonds, it didn’t. It was announced late this afternoon that he’s been indicted on four counts of federal perjury and one count of obstruction of justice. He could get five years on each of the perjury counts alone. The government has probably pulled out some star witnesses to actually go ahead with this thing. It looks like OJ Simpson isn’t going to be the only big trial we’ll all be watching in the future.

The funniest quote I’ve seen about the whole thing so far is “The President is very disappointed to hear about this.” I’m picturing him sitting in a dark barely lit room as an aide comes in and whispers the news solemnly in his ear, afterwards he slowly lowers his head gently into his hand and with a single tear flowing down his cheek, quietly utters the word “Why” to no one in particular.

SI: - Bonds Indicted

A spanish soccer player yesterday scored a goal with his penis, says German paper Bild. Way to give the guy something to brag about there, Germany. In fact it’s already started. A direct quote from the player himself, Mario Gómez:

I scored with a large part, and it hurt me a lot.

Modesty: a soccer player’s best friend. After seeing the video, he sure seemed well enough to run around and celebrate immediately afterward. Could there have been an illegal object at play?

Typically Spanish - Gotta Use What You Gotta Use

A tennis player is claiming that he was poisoned by a Russian opponent, a move that forced the player to sit out of Germany’s Davis Cup. Tommy Haas claims that a teammate of his was told by a Russian player that Haas was not experiencing some sort of stomach pains as everyone had though, but rather he had been poisoned.

Dude, it’s tennis. Seriously, make sure you save some so you can poison the cricket team later.

SI - Tommy Haas Poisoned