I turn on the news this morning, and they’re running a commercial for this show. There’s this girl they flash on the screen and I’m like “wow, she’s kinda hot isn’t she?”. The commercials continues and the voice then says something along the lines of “These guys are born in the wrong body.” I hate life.
It’s after Christmas which means it’s time to jump back into the fray and hear about stupid celebrities and useless politicians and the like. Before we do however, I want to tell you a holiday story. A CHRISTMAS STORY~! as it were.
I was told last week that I would be getting an express package from someone and to keep an eye on it in the mail. This package should come the next day, which was a Saturday. Naturally, it doesn’t come. To make it even better, the tracking information at USPS says that they attempted to deliver this package to me, I wasn’t home, and they left a slip at my house. Lies. There was no slip, and I was home all day three feet away from my front door. Keep in mind that shipping for this express package costed something like $17. But that’s ok, express packages are delivered on Sundays and holidays, so it’s bound to come Sunday right? Nope. No one comes.
So Monday, the deliverer of this package calls the post office who has no idea what the problem was. They apologize and say that if it doesn’t come by such and such an hour to call them back. Not long after this, the mailman comes toting along the express package and a priority package that was also sent from the same person. The mailman looked fresh out of high school, and like someone who listens to a lot of emo or maybe Marilyn Manson. Not that there’s anything wrong with Marilyn Manson, I’ve listened to it myself before but I consider myself a musical connoisseur that listens to nearly everything. This guy though had the chain attached to his pants, talked low, seemed kinda nerdy. He’s like “Uh, I’ve got an express package for you” and he puts it down on shelf on the porch rail and starts reading over a slip. He then asks me if my name is the name of the person who delivered this package. I’m like “No … I’m the recipient.” He’s like “Ohh” and starts reading over this slip and punching things into his little electronic scanner. And he reads some more. And keeps reading. He’s going on two minutes here reading this slip and the front of the package. This guy’s got no idea what so ever what he’s doing. He finally pulls out a slip to read and goes to set it on his arm but it blows off his arm and off the porch because it’s a very windy day. “Ohh jeez” he says and chases after it. It suddenly makes sense why this package didn’t come on Saturday. I start to wonder if I’m still going to get this package in time for Christmas despite the fact that it’s right in front of me. Finally he gets it sorted out, I get my box, and I promptly push him down the front steps of my porch while cackling like a deranged madman. Or not, but I wanted to.
You know, I also get bills, important documents, checks in the mail from various companies. This man is responsible for making sure that all reaches my mail box. Frightening. The USPS is BULLSHIT and receives the USuxxors.com U Suxxors award for the week.
Lately I’ve found myself in the position of being a vociferous advocate of the anti-paparazzi movement, even though I run a blog where I tend to point out absurd things that the paparazzi have caught on camera from time to time. It’s a love / hate relationship really. They’re fine when they catch something worthwhile, but too much time is spent on following celebrities around on mediocre days or worse yet, chasing people through streets in cars, an act that’s going to get someone killed sooner rather than later.
As I sit here noticing the lack of noticeable action going on in the world today, I find myself thinking about something from a couple weeks ago that annoyed me greatly but I chose not to write about it at the time for some reason or another. There were reports in the news regarding the military enforcing even stricter anti-porn policies for troops at the behest of groups that oppose that sort of thing. I’m sure they’re trying to ban R-rated movies, video games, and every other piece of bit of entertainment that is supposedly the cause of all the wrong in the world because that’s what they do. Their currently trying to force the military to not only ban hardcore porn (which it has) but also to ban softcore material like Playboy and whatever they mean by the term “All-American entertainment”. What the hell does that even mean? Stupid people with stupid agendas, and there’s no real reason for me to attempt to sugarcoat it with anything other than basic terms. Stupid.
Would you let someone break your leg for $100,000?
